Do you know how to deal with emotions in a positive way? Over on my Facebook group, I’ve started asking questions to people when they ask to join, I’ve found this a really powerful addition to the group as it’s allowing me to tailor my posts here on the blog so that I know they’re helpful.
A few recent comments were about emotions. These are a few of the comments I’ve received (please note that they are not word for word)
- I was never taught how to deal with emotions
- I don’t know how to express emotions
- I don’t feel safe exploring my emotions
You are not alone
I ran private coaching sessions for 7 years and I can tell you, if people knew how to deal with emotions, I probably wouldn’t have had a business.
Most of us are taught from a very young age not to express our emotions. Think about when a child gets angry. How often do we hear an adult tell them to stop that behavior or to calm down? I did it with my own son.
But here’s the thing, we’re adults now and we are all perfectly capable of dealing with emotions. I’m going to share some ideas below.
But first something really important.
All emotions are perfectly natural
Happy, sad, angry, frustrated, guilty, fear, worry, boredom, anxiety, loneliness…
Just take a minute now and think about times when you have felt these emotions.
Here are some of my own emotions example.
- I was happy this morning when I was singing along to some songs I love
- Sad, when my son and I argued
- Angry when someone cut me up in traffic
- Frustrated when I could work out how to do something on the laptop for my work
- Guilty for not making more time for a loved one
- Fearful about driving on my own down deserted country roads in the dark
- Worried about my son making a long journey on his own for the first time
- Bored when everyone was busy and I wasn’t feeling great
These emotions may have lasted a long time or just a couple of minutes but they’re part of life for most of us.
What tend to happen is we try to BLOCK what we’ll call negative emotions rather than acknowledge them, accept them, explore them and shift them to positive. The problem with BLOCKING emotions is that they stay rooted inside you creating energy blocks in the body.
With regards to eating, when we block emotions we can often turn to food to try to change the emotion. For me, if I’m sad, bored, feeling lonely, I get an empty feeling in my stomach. If I don’t acknowledge the emotion and deal with it positively, I’ll often just eat and eat to try and fill that empty feeling. NOTE: It doesn’t work.
So, today I want to give you some tips to help you deal with emotions in a positive way.
A great question to ask is “How am I feeling?”
You’ve probably never asked yourself this before. So it’s probably going to feel a bit awkward or uncomfortable. But just breathe through that feeling.
Breathe in calm – as you breathe out simply say RELEASE.
Do this a few times slowly and calmly.
It may take some practice. You may need to ask yourself more questions such as “Do I feel sad?” “Do I feel lonely?” “Do I feel bored?”
NOTE: Sometimes you may not be able to identify the emotion and that’s okay too. Just acknowledge the way you feel. This is how I’m feeling right now and it’s okay.
Once you feel like you’ve identified your emotion, just accept it. Okay, so right now I feel angry, bored, sad… say to yourself “That’s okay” Accept the emotion. Often, just this acceptance shifts your emotion. Coaching clients often told me they felt empowered by doing this and I can certainly relate to that myself. It’s putting you in control. You’re now choosing what happens next.
Explore the emotion
More questions for yourself. Ask yourself, things like “Why am I feeling sad?” “What’s making me feel anxious?”
I’m feeling sad because someone I love had died – I’m feeling sad because I had an argument with my son – I’m feeling sad because the special trip I had planned is now to going to happen.
I’m feeling anxious about the long 4-hour drive on roads I’m not familiar with.
NOTE: Sometimes you may not be able to identify the reason and that’s okay too. The key here is that you’re not blocking or trying to hide emotions.
Allow it to run its course or shift the emotion
I truly believe that sometimes we really do need to just allow the emotion to run its course. If someone you love has died, I would never suggest to you that you rush out of feeling sad and aim for happy. However, what you can do is allow the sadness, that’s perfectly natural, but also focus on why you loved that person, what made them special, what did you like doing with that person, how did that person make you feel? This gently brings in more positive emotions.
I’ve given you some tips to shift emotions a little further on.
A note about positive and negative emotions
I use the words positive and negative for ease. Over many years I have searched for something different to say in these examples but I’ve found these words to be the simplest. I do want to point out though that the word negative does not in any way suggest that these emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, worry… are BAD. They’re not bad, they’re just emotions.
From a law of attraction point of view, when your emotions are positive (courage, empowerment, trust, confidence, contentment, enthusiasm, happiness, joy, hopefulness, peace, love…)
How to deal with emotions in a positive way – Top tips
Remember that – you’re aiming to release negative emotions/shift to a more positive emotion and not hide or ignore the emotion.
Exercise, dance, punch your pillow (not a person), sing…
Any sort of physical activity can work wonders for releasing negative emotions. So give it a try. Dancing around in the kitchen is a firm favourite for me. Think shaking out any emotions you don’t want.
Punching the pillow and/or screaming into the pillow is great for releasing feelings of frustration or anger in a positive way. I usually end up laughing.
Put your favourite songs on and sing to your heart’s content.
EFT – Emotional Freedom Techniques
EFT is one of the best ways to release negative energy, emotions and beliefs. I love this technique because… 1. It works and 2. You can do it yourself. I have a whole playlist of EFT videos over on my YouTube Channel – Watch EFT videos. You can also find EFT scripts for weight loss here on the blog
Affirmations are a fantastic way to shift your thinking. When we’re experiencing a negative emotion, our thoughts can easily spiral out of control, reinforcing the negative emotion. Whenever you spot this happening, stop, acknowledge the emotion, accept it and then focus on positive affirmations.
You want to aim for a better feeling thought.
Here’s an example. If I’m not careful, I can easily create a million worry scenarios in my mind. Things that are not real and more than likely will never, ever happen. My favourite affirmation, in this case, is “Right now, right here in this present moment, all is well in my world.”
When I’m frustrated, my GO-TO affirmation is I’m Calm and relaxed.
When I’m nervous in a social or business situation – I’m calm and confident.
An affirmation is a positive, usually present tense statement.
Read more about affirmations
Gratitude is our superpower emotion. Whatever is going on in our life, if we focus on what we are grateful for we shift our emotions to positive. I highly recommend keeping a gratitude journal. Write in your journal daily or regularly focusing on all the things you’re grateful for. Then if you’re feeling down, you can read through your journal. Also by making this a regular practice, you seek out and create things to be grateful for.
How to deal with emotion that are positive
Sometimes when we are experiencing positive emotions we tend to take them for granted. What I want you to also do is acknowledge your positive emotions. I feel so happy now and really acknowledge the feeling. Enjoy the feeling. Anchor the feeling – Yes this is how I want to feel. I love this feeling. I want more of this…
Hopefully, that’s given you plenty to think about – I want to finish off with a reminder that all emotions are normal. I hope now you will be able to deal with any emotion in a positive way.
Share your thoughts about today’s post and please do ask if you have any questions.